Well, hello again, you. That person sitting on the other side of this screen that might or might not read what I have to say. What's there to say about a girl who is clinically depressed and has a hard time talking to people most times? A lot, but nothing you would want to hear. Sob stories a plenty when it comes to me. Like how I've had to go to 7 funerals in the past two years, how my weight has figuritively held me down, about lots of things, but none important enough that you couldn't just ask me in a regular day conversation.
It's.. Thursday morning? Well, at least I think it is. Either way, just another night of no sleep and talking to the most awesome person ever. I've talked to people online about more in my brain process than anyone has heard me say with my own words leaving past chapped lips closed too long. If you see me, that's why my head is down, or I'm untalkitive, is because I have to think about what to say, to make sure it's the right thing, at the right time, with the right person and the exactly right place. Not to mention the words by themselves.
I've almost given up on drawing, or anything artistic. Photography *sniff*, drawing, music, poetry, prose, digital art, etc. I've learned all that gives you is a nice pat on your ass since no one can give real critiques face to face. Trust me, I've only had one person point out flaws wrong with things I drew, and even she sugar coated it so much it left a bad taste afterwards.
Well, My computer's going to shit, so to speak. I'm missing a key, my left mouse button has collapsed, it acts up/shuts down if overheated, it has an annoying pixilated green line going from top to bottom. Good news, at the moment, I have a count of 21 stickers, which is not a lot, but it looks pretty cool. I was hoping to get more before my computer started acting up again, but oh well.
I want to join a club soon, but I don't know which one, since I'm not out spoken enough for spoken word, there's not an art club, I guess you had to sign up a while ago to be apart of the gay/straight alliance thing, William Who isn't until spring, and I can only play tennis well, and that's over and stuff.
That's all for now,
Nicole.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Okay, Actual post.
To the one person who sees this, if you even check it, hi. And sorry for using this to vent. But it's something I need to do or else I'll do something and break down at school.
Thanksgiving only made me feel fatter, and I didn't even eat much. I have a cousin only a year older than I and he was a heavy kid, smoked a lot, and made me feel normal. well, since Christmas last year, he's changed. He's lost weight, he's gotten cockier, and he's almost like a completely different person. I'm afraid that if I lose 65 pounds like he did, that I'll change too much that I'd make different friends, when my friends in my group need me most.
Well I gotta go, so yeah. that's all for now,
Nicole.
Thanksgiving only made me feel fatter, and I didn't even eat much. I have a cousin only a year older than I and he was a heavy kid, smoked a lot, and made me feel normal. well, since Christmas last year, he's changed. He's lost weight, he's gotten cockier, and he's almost like a completely different person. I'm afraid that if I lose 65 pounds like he did, that I'll change too much that I'd make different friends, when my friends in my group need me most.
Well I gotta go, so yeah. that's all for now,
Nicole.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Today, Is another day.
I'm planning on posting on every Wednesday, or if there's something I need to get off my chest, I'll do so here. So here I go on introductories.
My name, as you might as well know, is Nicole. Just Nicole. Nothing exotic or meaningful. I come in pieces, but if you assemble the right pieces, you get a pertty normal overweight girl. If you put the wrong pieces together, you get something some one called me, "A cyinical pessimistic wierdo." It just all depends on the pieces you pick up and put together when you first meet me.
I'm in love with photography. If I had the chance, I would ride everywhere with my camera instead of stuck in a four wall dungeon that disallows any kind of creativity. I have a Kodak camera that I keep in my backpack at all times, in case afterschool I decide to go out photoshooting. There's nothing I wouldn't take a picture of, but because of my age, and the laws, I can't do that. So I mostly focus on marco, color splashes, still life, yadda yadda yadda.
The thing I can actually take out and do, even though my hand doesn't always convey the image, is draw. Not like amazing drawing that's out of this world, just doodles. Because it's not electric, I can almost draw all day, until my head is high and dry of things I wish I could take a picture with instead. And with my handy dandy sketch pad on one hand, only I can stop myself on creating anything I want.
As a fifteen year old girl, I havn't even begun my life. I don't know what I want to be, who I want to be, where I want to be, and why I am. So to make up for it, I smile when I want to cry my eyes out. I hug people when they need a shoulder to cry on, even when me myself are using them to colapse a little bit back onto. I guess you could say I'm depressed, but after four years of nothing but disapointment and sadness (and a lot of death), you get used to it. My 'friends' have.
To conclude this introductory, I will tell you what I will be doing. I am going to blog my process back down the scale. By that, I mean weight scale. No more junk food, exersice on the Wiifit everyday after school (around 4) then I will blog the process on Wednesday and such.
Anyways, I hope you didn't fall asleep deeply enough, and Bye for now!
My name, as you might as well know, is Nicole. Just Nicole. Nothing exotic or meaningful. I come in pieces, but if you assemble the right pieces, you get a pertty normal overweight girl. If you put the wrong pieces together, you get something some one called me, "A cyinical pessimistic wierdo." It just all depends on the pieces you pick up and put together when you first meet me.
I'm in love with photography. If I had the chance, I would ride everywhere with my camera instead of stuck in a four wall dungeon that disallows any kind of creativity. I have a Kodak camera that I keep in my backpack at all times, in case afterschool I decide to go out photoshooting. There's nothing I wouldn't take a picture of, but because of my age, and the laws, I can't do that. So I mostly focus on marco, color splashes, still life, yadda yadda yadda.
The thing I can actually take out and do, even though my hand doesn't always convey the image, is draw. Not like amazing drawing that's out of this world, just doodles. Because it's not electric, I can almost draw all day, until my head is high and dry of things I wish I could take a picture with instead. And with my handy dandy sketch pad on one hand, only I can stop myself on creating anything I want.
As a fifteen year old girl, I havn't even begun my life. I don't know what I want to be, who I want to be, where I want to be, and why I am. So to make up for it, I smile when I want to cry my eyes out. I hug people when they need a shoulder to cry on, even when me myself are using them to colapse a little bit back onto. I guess you could say I'm depressed, but after four years of nothing but disapointment and sadness (and a lot of death), you get used to it. My 'friends' have.
To conclude this introductory, I will tell you what I will be doing. I am going to blog my process back down the scale. By that, I mean weight scale. No more junk food, exersice on the Wiifit everyday after school (around 4) then I will blog the process on Wednesday and such.
Anyways, I hope you didn't fall asleep deeply enough, and Bye for now!
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